Home

Home...for me has a different meaning altogether. Back in India (sad to use this), I never felt the importance of home. It was just another place where I could stay. But the very walk into the departure terminal of Mumbai airport and gates closing behind me, fired a series of feelings which after 8 months took a shape. I was quite excited about my new beginning here..

But today, those feelings are very clear to me and moist my eyes. Every morning I wake up to see that I dont have my beloved mommy preparing breakfast for me...nor I have a reassuring sight of my daddy. Its been ages where I have almost forgot what breakfast looks like and tastes like....

Here I have all the comforts I can have, but what I dont have is the warm feeling of my beloved home. This is a country where everything you do is accepted. But still I walk with a fear somewhere hidden deep inside my heart. Back in India, we have to think of everystep we take, as we are bound to the customs and traditions.But these things seem more than a freedom to me as I always thought....am I really free to do anything in India....I was wrong....I was free.
Here I have a class life...but i want to be back to the same crowed trains and those humble B.E.S.T buses compared to the Merseyrail and ARRIVA bus services...

Here I have the best cuisines I can have, but not the love which is a secret potion which my mum mixes with every dish. I seriously miss the junk food which I thought it was so low to eat and unhealthy.

Evenings...ahhh....it used to be exciting every evening for me in India...going down and biking around Nerul...sipping cutting chai...chit chatting...bird watching (here too..all the way)...coming home and having dinner. Here every evening is dull. Its the same house and same routine to follow. If it comes to hanging around with friends...it would be at anyone's house and doing the same stuff again and again to which our lives are limited to.

Every time I call India...the voices on the other side are so clear..(thanks to the technology)....I wish I could feel them and touch them..Back then, the phone call was just to ask who,where, how and when...now its a lifeline...I feel that I am alive....

All I want is...I want to talk to that crazy lad, eight months back. I wish I could tell him about what he is going to miss out of the excitement of staying abroad. I have the privilege to experience one of the soothing climates on earth. I had felt the climate back at home as harsh but i want to feel it. I want to stand at the Appolo bunder and feel the salty winds on my face...I want to see the beautiful sunset at the Palm beach marg....i want to smell the dust....

When I discuss my plans about me going back home...my friends laugh at me...saying that "you are a fool to leave such a life..".But they will never understand...a heart of a true Mumbaikar...Some of them even caution me...saying that would you be able to cope up with the weather and the changes that have taken place in this time....I don't have an answer 'cause I am dead sure that no one feels uncomfortable in mother's lap....

People say that the grass on the other side is always green. I want to add some more to it. I do accept that it is greener, but at the same time, it is difficult as here to mow it.
Know the importance of your home...sometime or the other you would regret.....

Commitments.

I am back. But I am too disappointed, the way I am back and what I am writing now.

What does a relationship takes to be a successful one...well I haven't figured it out yet, though going through an intense one...may be some day in my life I would surely get it or by the end of this post.

Its so sad sitting at the end of a beautiful relation I had. Yes, today after 4 months and a week, you may feel that it's only four months and why is this guy behaving like a typical Bloke...These four months got my life out of the hidden box which was buried very deep within my dark heart. People who are really close to me when I was back In India and now here have seen that change in me. It has come to a tragic end. My friends who have already gone through this would say, "Welcome to the club".

I have heard my stories about the relationships getting ended due to many reasons..some were very silly though. I have also read about some who kept the fire burning..I took care of all these things, so that I would be successful in mine...But could not.
When I got it confirmed that we can no more be together in this morning, I was at the very shocking moment of my life. I went numb and was hard to see. I learned that it was the "time", we couldn't give each other (due to the professional commitments). But aren't there other couples who are not tied to these commitments?It seems to be another story, but this true. I lost, due to the lack of time.

Wise people say that time is a good healer and a teacher. But for me time had always been a competitor. Many times I took the lead and laughed at it. But what I did not realise is that time was full of grace as God is time (I am the alpha and the Omega, Revelations Chapter1, Verse 8, King James Version). I was arrogant. Now it has hit me hard. Now when I sit and speak to God, He simply laughs at my plans.

I tried to work out many things to overcome the professional commitments, but then, the personal commitments are more stronger. I had to give up and accept the fact that it is the end.
Relations are not just held by being sweet and caring. It needs devotion, a proper one. Understanding in a relationship is mostly misunderstood by most of us. We think that having similar dislikes and likes and comprising some of your likes and dislikes for your partner is a true understanding. Understanding is a need. We have to sense and know what the other soul is accepting from us, and how we should deliver them.

Well putting some more light onto it from numb heart and mind, I feel that relationship is like running a marathon. An athlete would know better.It needs commitment. Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence and the understanding that at times your union will need a life-jacket to stay afloat.Commitment is a very personal process. Unfortunately, for some it will mean blind dedication to a union that rarely meets their needs; while others eschew commitment and impulsively use the ebb and flow of happiness as the gauge whether to stay or leave. Both of these approaches are flawed. Ideally, commitment will remain in place as happiness comes and goes and your relationship finds its footing along life's shifting terrain.

One of the greatest challenges to commitment lies in the instant-gratification mindset--the idea that I deserve to have what I want when I want it. The settings to our pleasure barometer have been altered and humans are less willing to deal with frustrating circumstances or anything that feels like it stands in the way of immediate happiness. This poses a problem for relationships.

Therefore when decisions are made about relationship based solely on the need to feel happy (all the time), commitment is abandoned along with the rich opportunities that are essential for a relationship to grow thereby terminating the life of a relationship.

So, friends and whoever would read this blog, and in case, if you are in a relationship, please have a commitment to what you are looking from your relationship. Do not go for a sweet talks, cute things and sideline the pale word commitment. You would never know the fruits of the true commitments. You could criticize me for not following these sutras..you are right...You don't realize till you experience it.I have faced it.

This what I realized.....may more yet to come in near future......

What a Mighty fall

Australia, Manchester United...what do they have in common....
Winning streak, champions, great team........arrogance,attitude, unruly pride...
Well narrowing down more on this....both were kicked out without any mercy.
What would be the best example. Well this would the T20 world cup match and the UEFA cup final.
Australia were and are known to be the worlds best team and had everyone follow them. They boasted to have the best players and probably the best management. But this very pride and arrogance of being the best without any modesty made them to pack their bags and prepare for the Ashes. They had an experience when India had cut their winning streak and also England bashing them up to regain their ashes. From the first match, it was evident from all the team mates that they could easily surpass the West Indies players, who later showed them who's got a experience in cricket [Not to forget that cricket is a lifeline in the Caribbeans]. Today the Lankan Lions held their ground and devoured the kangaroos. They held their head high.

Manchester United. How can a ManU, as it is called, fan can forget the humiliating defeat it suffered at the hands of Barcelona. ManU played the UEFA cup final, which is known to be the coveted cup as it decides the European Champions, with its full team. Where as the Barca played with its rounded up squad. No one actually were confident about them. The betting companies across the Europe made fortunes as people betted heavy on ManU and later all went into the drain. It seemed that the Spanish lions came, roared and tammed the english pussies.....

This is called a might fall.....

Time and moment

For my sweetheart. I know I am miles away...but I am always there with you.....you are my time and you are my moments........

i was travelling in time and space
to an unknown destination
gathering moments writing
the chronicles of my time
losing hope just as time
matching fate to it
but then....and then...i met some one
probably THE ONE
charming, fascinating
more than enchanting
that was it
my time and moments frozen for it
searching for the warmth in it

but i reliased that i made a mistake to search
the moment was you and the time was you
the time and the moment got melt down
you were no where to be there

i was broken down to the pieces
the time and the moment were just a imagination to me
i searched you here
i searched you there
then i realised how i far i came
more than i can come back

i asked him
i asked them
i forgot to ask the inner being
you were part of me
i thought i wasted the time and moments
but it was really worth of it
i knew the true meaning of you.
this is how much i love you
you are worth of time and moments of the chronicles of my life.........

Considering One

Considering One...... Will I speak of the Lord Almighty or speak about some powerful being. No, here "one" refers to the number one. Hey don't ever come to any sort of conclusions. I am not here to speak about my arithmetic knowledge which i am fairly bad at. I am going to speak about the importance of the number "One" in our life. We all have read the email which was in the circulation discussing about the importance of the number one for a mother, athlete, student and list would go on...... I never cared for such facts in my life. But today, I think I had my share of coming close to the truth that it is indeed important...the number one. I received my report card two days back and to my surprise I found that I failed in a coursework, which I was confident of getting across. I scored 39 marks in it. "Just falling short of ONE mark". Basically, I am a lazy bag, and I spend my free times lying on bed and on my lappy. But the very fear of losing out for a mark made me jump out of cozy bed and rush to college....braving the harsh English weather on the Wednesday morning. For the first time the 'little one' mark difference seemed to be a mile away. Previously, when I used to come across the discussions that my friends and fellow students back in my engineering days had about how they lost the markings for a mark....I used to reassure that it was just a mark and the difference is little. But now I feel how important is that one mark. I was so down with it. Many of my friends told me that it is a matter of one mark and they might put you across the line. This time I was at the receiving end....... Many thoughts came running to me........I was scared....of losing my self confidence. It was about the failure. I was battling hard to come over it. In this fight, a thought about failures came into my pea sized brain. The saying goes this way: "The mountains of success rises from the valley of failures" This particular line gave me immense strength. It is true. Failures are reminders and teachers. More we fail, more we learn to fight back and win. To jump to heights of success we need to first touch the ground. This little one mark showed me its might. It was a difference between a valley to the mountain peak.

Lost in a crowd......

Has anyone really pondered about the thought that one could be all alone in the crowd....forget about the typical love songs where the lyricist portray the lovers to be lost in a crowd........and neither I am speaking about one getting lost in the crowd.....Have we ever realized how many strangers look familiar to us....the impact they have on us.
Such thing happened to me once. I have a very nagging habit to look at the things in a very detailed manner. I had a privilege to be a part of the Maximum city [Mumbai] where crowd is an another thing in life. But never had gazed on the internal aspects of it. Could be of the busy life or the life which was tied to timings like 09:32 CST,10:02 BR or 17:51 AD. It also could have been for the number such as 511, 506,21 etc....or could have been there was no time to stop and think. The real eye opener came in City Center of the Liverpool city in the United Kingdom, where I work as part time sales assistant in a sports shop. As in Mumbai we are bonded to the wierd timings and the numbers, here in United kingdom, time is given highest priority for which I had nearly paid a heavy price once [for being late for 4 mins]. Here, there is no excuse given and taken for being late as on time performance is a part of the daily life and these people are masters in it.
I clearly remember that sunny evening when I was hurrying to catch up with my shift. The reason being was I had to walk 1.5 miles and crossing the roads is an art and matter of patience as you have to wait for the signal to cross. I was standing at a cross over along with a bunch of people engaged in their own world. It was 15:15 and there I was cursing my self to be stranded at a junction. It was already 5 minutes and I was standing still like a potato. I asked the traffic warden and even he could not help as that was a peak time and the traffic was diverted onto that road for unknown reasons, the city maintenance people had. It was getting my nerves and for some fellow pedestrians too. I thought of jaywalking at which we Indians are very good at. But it is a crime and I can be issued a ticket for that also for my fate being blessed the traffic warden had a very suspicious look. I was frustrated. This prompted me to take the crowdy street which I avoid to walk.
And there. A hustle and bustle of bunch of school kids got my attention. They were the happiest lot in that crowd.Coming back home from school. Away from all the worries of the future and smiling to everyone possible around.There very presense and there attitude made me ease a bit. There were also two gentlemen, standing at a corner of the street,one playing a guitar and an accordian, who almost played a wonderful english classic piece and yet no one paid attention to them, including me. Everyone had their own committments to attend. It was a busy day at the shop too. After this at 21:30 when I finally signed out to go home, and to hit the roads, and there was an eyeopener. The streets had a deserted look. I was walking through the very street which was bustling with activities few hours ago. This prompted me to think whether I could see those kids again tomorrow and those two gentlemen who played a great music tomorrow. This left me in an uncertainity. I had time to pause a bit and return a smile to those kids who gave me an assurance of some sort which has become a scarcity. I could have stopped for a minute to listen and appriciate those gentlemen's beautiful effort. This would have given them a better feeling even though I could not help them with money. Was I that busy? What did I do by going to the shop 20 minutes before the shift? Nothing....absolutly nothing.
This very incident had a very great impact on me. I lost something.
These are the few lines which hit my soul so hard that I could not even battle with my consciousness. For the first time......
We live as a strangers in the crowd...
Midst of the crowds...streets play hide and seek....
Memories and happiness lures...but is there any one to find them.....
People in search for the wings to fly...have they ever imagined that the sky is filled....
We search for a place called shelter...have we ever noticed about the place in someone's heart....
Every time.....Sometimes....We need to.....Get lost in a crowd and find ourselves....

With a heavy heart.....